1. What is social media?

2. Why are we concerned about social media?

3. Delay social media as long as you can.

4. Ready to allow social media? Take it very slowly.

5. Parenting a teen who’s on social media? Start here.

What is social media?

Social media is the collection of apps and websites that kids and teens often use to connect, share, and explore. From posting photos and videos to messaging friends or following interests, these platforms have become a big part of how young people socialize today. While social media can offer creativity and perceived connection, it can also come with major challenges like distraction, pressure, and exposure to inappropriate content. Its frictionless design means time spent on social media easily crowds out other important childhood activities. Being informed helps parents guide their children safely in the digital world.

Why are we concerned about social media?

Social media is a mixed bag. You can't get the upsides (of connecting, learning, and entertainment) without the downsides. And unfortunately the downsides are impacting childhood in irreparable ways. As a parent or caregiver in this digital age, it is your responsibility to know the downsides of any device, app or software you allow your child to use.  Social media content is unregulated - unlike public television which must adhere to safety and age-appropriate standards. Social media platforms are viewed by law as “intangible services” not “products” - so they are also not subject to the same consumer safety regulations as toys, cars, and other products.

Mental Health Impacts

• Increased anxiety and depression: heavy use is linked to higher rates of mood disorders, especially among girls.

• Social comparison & low self-esteem: Teens often compare themselves to curated, unrealistic posts.

• Addictive design: infinite scroll, likes, and notifications are engineered to keep teens scrolling and coming back for more.

Sleep Disruption

• Late-night scrolling leads to less sleep and poorer sleep quality.

• Notifications and fear of missing out (FOMO) make it hard to look away or “turn off”.

• Sleep loss is tied to worse mental health, attention, and mood.

Exposure to Inappropriate Content

• Violence, sexual content, hate speech, and harmful trends are widespread.

• Algorithms often serve extreme content to boost engagement.

• Parental controls are often inadequate.

Contact from Strangers

• Direct messaging features can allow unwanted contact from bad-acting adults or peers.

• Kids and teens are often targeted for scams, grooming, or harassment.

Social Pressure & Cyberbullying

• Social media amplifies peer drama and exclusion.

• Cyberbullying can happen 24/7 - with wider audiences and lasting effects.

• Teens may feel pressure to maintain a “perfect” online persona.

Distraction & Academic Impacts

• Constant notifications fragment attention and reduce quality study time.

• Heavy social media use is linked to lower academic performance and attention problems.

Privacy & Digital Footprint

• Personal information can be collected, shared, or misused.

• Posts made in teen years can follow them into adulthood.

Once you are informed about the downsides, feel your child is ready to safely navigate exposure to these many downsides, and believe your child would come to you for help when tricky situations arise, you can consider saying yes to a social media app.

Delay social media as long as you can

Protecting your child from the risks of social media starts with delaying their first exposure. Young brains are still developing, especially areas that control attention, impulse, and emotional regulation, and early access to highly engaging platforms can make it harder for them to focus on school, hobbies, and in-person friendships. Waiting also helps safeguard sleep and mental health, reducing risks of anxiety, depression, and negative body image. It allows children more time to build real-world skills and relationships through face-to-face interactions, creative play, and extracurricular activities. Delaying social media also minimizes early exposure to cyberbullying, peer pressure, and inappropriate content, while giving kids a chance to develop healthy digital habits. By waiting, parents help children enter social media when they are older and ready with the maturity and skills to navigate it safely and responsibly.

Psychologist Lisa Damour advises that your child is only ready for social media when they have neurologically developed skepticism (around age 14+) and when (metaphorically) you’d be ready for them to attend a wild unsupervised high school party where they’d have to navigate lots of tricky situations. Parents need to understand social media apps and the potential harms that come from misuse and overuse. 

Exploring social media with your child can be a delay tactic.
If you find that your middle schooler is feeling socially left out by not having access to Snapchat, Instagram or TikTok, you can find small ways to give them a taste of social media content without allowing a full-fledged account with unfettered access. You can explore TikTok together or let them play with Snapchat filters on your phone. You can create a private family Instagram account and create content together or let them “manage” the account. This will give them enough knowledge so they don’t feel completely clueless with peers and it buys you some time. It also helps you to understand how they want to use the app. 

But what if - as a parent - you are someone who doesn’t use social media?  We recommend you roll up your sleeves and learn about the app(s) your child is interested in. Pick one app with your child and try it out together. Invite your child to join you while you poke around and learn about it  - they’ll be delighted and will feel validated! They may even teach you something! This is a great way to talk about some of the content you’re seeing together and provide some context or values around it. Keep in mind that your feed (content) as an adult won’t be the same as what your middle schooler might see if they had their own account. But this process will give you a good sense of how the app/platform works so you can make an informed decision about if and when to allow it.

Ready to allow social media? Take it very slowly.

When you open the door to social media, it’s really important to be open and honest with your child about what you view as the upsides and downsides, what your concerns are, and how you’d like to work together to keep them safe and balanced.  Also, at the point when you are providing access, this is when their ears will be widest open to your limits and rules - so take your time and set the boundaries while you have their focused attention. A really helpful tool to guide this process is the Social Media Conversation Guide by Wait Until 8th - we have found that if you print it out and read through it with your child, it makes these conversations easier because it’s not just coming from you.

When you do decide to allow access, you want to let the line out really s-l-o-w-l-y. The goal is to provide a long on-ramp where you’re coaching your child to develop a healthy, balanced, and intentional relationship with social media (as much as that’s possible!) so that at one point they can manage it on their own. They have a lifetime to consume social media content so spend a lot of time introducing social media - talk about tech use, implement our suggested safeguards , regularly check in on how they’re using the app, and make course-corrections as needed.  It’s messy ongoing work, but you’re the most qualified person to do this.

A really good way to build the needed pauses into the process of allowing social meda access and to slow things down is to only introduce ONE social media app at a time. If your teen wants several of these apps, have them pick one to start with and consider starting with a trial period where you give them access for a week and see how it goes. Implementing trial periods for any kind of tech device or software is one of our go-to suggestions for parents. 

Introducing one app at a time is one of the fundamental safeguards that we recommend at ScreenSense all the time. If you can, explain to your teen that you need to work together to keep them safe and healthy online and then invite them into the process with you so they are more amenable to your rules and requirements. 

Parenting a teen who’s on social media? Start here.

So your child, tween or teen already uses social media. One app or maybe all of them. It’s ok - that’s been the norm! [flow - add more here? Or merge with next section?]

Be their coach. 

These safeguards will help you get started with some basic ground rules, and then from there, parenting a teen who’s on social media is a very iterative process with lots of check-ins, regular conversations, and adjustments.  They’ll ask for more, you’ll make compromises, they’ll slip up, you’ll adjust their limits, and your child will test the boundaries.  If it feels like messy ongoing work, then you’re doing your job. The safeguards aren’t foolproof so your best tool is open and honest conversations and creating an enviroment where your teen knows that they can come and talk to you about anything - without fearing judgement, ridicule, shaming or punishment. 

Inevitably, tricky stuff is going to come up. A stranger is very likely to contact them online at some point. Make sure they know you’re there for them.  You can say, “If something goes wrong, I want to know that you are going to come to me.”  You can say, “I trust you, but I don’t trust the internet.”  Make sure they know that you won’t freak out and reactively shut down all tech if something goes wrong - that’s a top reason why middle schoolers don’t tell their parents when things go wrong.

As you find your way on this bumpy journey, trust your parenting instincts - if you’re worried about something, you probably have a good reason.  It may indicate it’s time to check in or revisit how tech use is going.  You can always have your child take a break - maybe remove social media from their device for a week and review how everyone feels, what changes as a result, rethink how to bring it back better. You’re never going to land on perfection - there’s no such thing - this is the wild west, and you’re doing the best you can.

Our two main concerns in the digital age are that our kids use their time well and that they stay safe.  Think of these as your two swimlanes while parenting your kids’ use of technology. You want to help them discover what fills up their bucket and make sure tech doesn’t get in the way of their goals and values - this takes a lot of nudges and course-correction because tech is so sticky and relentless.  You also want them to use tech well - so be curious about what they’re doing online and help redirect them when needed.  

Reel it in when needed.

If you are concerned about how your child is navigating social media apps and you want to make a change, it’s never too late to reel in social media use. Use these suggested safeguards to reel in use, reduce harm and reclaim your child’s time and attention for in real life hobbies, passions and connection. 

1. Tackle One Issue at a Time

• First identify what is problematic vs not (eg, sleep or time on TikTok)

• Then focus on one area first.

• Talk with your child about why the change is important—they’re more likely to cooperate when they understand.

2. Protect Sleep as the Top Priority

• Set device-free routines at night.

• Schedule WiFi or cell phone downtime, or take possession of devices if needed.

• For T-Mobile use Family Mode

• For AT&T use Smart Home Manager

• For Verizon use Verizon Family

• Sleep is the foundation for healthy habits.

3. Remove Problematic Apps

• Reduce usage by limiting which apps are allowed.

• Focus on apps that are particularly distracting or addictive.

• Set a limit of ONE social media app and pick the one that is least problematic. Or if your teen has multiple social media apps and you want to scale back, have them pick 1-2 to keep and consider taking a break from the others.

4. Set Time Limits Using Parental Controls

• For Android devices use Google Family Link

• For iPhones and iPads use Apple Screen Time

5. Encourage Screen-Free Activities

• Family meals, board games, outdoor time, hobbies, sports.

• Be consistent, but not combative.

6. Lead by Example

• Share your own struggles: “Here’s what I find hard about social media…”

• Honesty builds trust and opens communication with your child.

• Narrate your use

• Cut back and set limits for yourself as needed to demonstrate how it’s done

7. Talk to your kids!

• Have regular conversations with your tweens/teens!

• Encourage reflection & know what they are doing online!

Even if your child already has social media, print out this guide and talk it through with them. A really helpful tool to guide this process is the Social Media Conversation Guide by Wait Until 8th - we have found that if you print it out and read through it with your child, it makes these conversations easier because it’s not just coming from you.