Tech Recs by Age

Aim for 1-2 hours per day max (excluding school work)

Choose content carefully!

Pick age-appropriate content that aligns with your family values. 

CHOOSE long-form stories, shows, and movies. We highly recommend the TV Review and Movie Review sections of Common Sense Media for an easy way to find appropriate content. These tools allow you to input your child’s age, choose a streaming service, set content limits, and save the profile. You can also set up multiple profiles. 

AVOID fast-paced, short-form content that involves clicking, scrolling, and influencers - avoid YouTube Shorts, TikTok, Instagram, and Snapchat. Collective action among parents in your community is needed to make this easier.

Other Basics:

• Clarify family tech rules, including requiring parent permission to watch TV.

• Remove streaming platforms from your child’s personal devices (e.g., phone, tablet, laptop); instead contain TV watching to common areas at home.

• Approach shows and movies as a “together” experience more often than a solo experience. As your child gets older, proactively find content you can both enjoy watching together.

• Turn off TV/device when not actively watching.

• Set time limits, increasingly involving your growing tween in co-creation of family rules and norms. Don’t let TV watching crowd out face-to-face time with friends, physical activity, reading, school work, and sleep.

Tread carefully with iPads/tablets - they are giant smartphones so be informed and proactive about what’s accessible!

Allow with time limits and parental oversight. Carefully consider which apps you allow on tablet, know what your tween is doing online, and support healthy use with ongoing check-ins and adjustments. Talk about tech design features that are tricky and sticky.

Once in middle school, tablets set up with a tween's own user ID with correct birthdate is a good way for youth of this age to start to connect with friends via text or group chat without having a phone. Learn more about texting here.

Other tips:

• Only allow tablet use in a common area - not in bedrooms and bathrooms.

• Set time limits with parental controls (how to set limits on an iPad). Don’t let tablet time crowd out screen-free play, physical activity, reading, and sleep.

• No tablets during meals.

OK on tablet:

• Apps that foster creativity and productivity rather than passive use.

• Audiobooks.

• Music.

• Video call with family/friends.

• Long-form stories, shows, & movies that are age-appropriate.

• Educational apps recommended by school or teacher.

• Carefully selected video games with a time limit - find games at ESRB and get informed about popular video games.

• Texting with friends starting in middle school - this takes coaching. Learn more on our texting webpage.

• Internet browsing with a purpose and time limits.

• YouTube with permission for a specific purpose or with a 20 min time limit - see YouTube section below. Steer away from YouTube Shorts.

NOT YET on tablet:

• Generally avoid short-form, fast-paced algorithm-driven content.

• no AI without parent guidance

• no social media apps (TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat)

Set a clear expectation to remove digital distractions during homework time - including other devices (like a phone or smartwatch) and tempting apps available on the school device. Be clear that your family tech rules apply to school devices as well.  

For more, check out:

• Managing school devices

• Managing a school iPad

• Creating a distraction free home-work routine

We recommend delaying smartwatches until middle school.

Smartwatches are basically wearable mini-smartphones with a range of features, depending on the brand. They let children make calls or send messages and allow parents to track their location. Many models limit access to the internet and social media, which can make them feel like a safer first mobile device. They can help with family logistics but may also push kids to early connectivity, over-reliance on parents, unintended distractions, and premature texting.

If you are looking for a communication tool in upper elementary, a landline like Tin Can can meet budding social needs and may help to buy some time.

If your family situation requires a form of mobile communication, a smartwatch designed for kids can be an option - if set up with minimal features and contacts to meet essential needs. See Simple Phones & Watches for more information. 

If rolling out an Apple Watch,  parental vigilance and ongoing fortitude are required to minimize distractions and risk. 

To set up an Apple Watch for youth click here. You can adapt our Simplifying iPhones content to keep things simple on the Apple Watch. 

Review your child’s school policy on smartwatches and make sure the device is set up so it does not interrupt the school day. Check out Keeping Phones & Smartwatches from Disrupting the School Day.

If mobile communication is essential in middle school, get a simple smartwatch. It’s best to stick with a smartwatch through middle school (as long as possible) - kids won’t “need” a phone if their peers don’t have one.

If moving on to a mobile phone, keep features simple (talk and text only - no social media, games, or internet browser) until high school. Meet the most basic communication needs of your family/child, but nothing more. Because with more features and apps comes more risk, more distraction, and more parenting!

To make this easier, join the Kids IRL Phone Pact with other parents in Marin.

Not in Marin? Use this parent group locator to connect with a group in your area.

Review simple phone and smartwatch options. Make sure to set up any phone for youth use. To set up an iPhone correctly, click here for the video tutorial.

More support:

• Giving a first phone

• Explaining why you’re taking phones slowly to your child

• Simplifying an iPhone

• Keeping phones and smartwatches from disrupting the school day

Avoid daily habitual use and we recommend requiring parent permission to play video games. Set time limits like 1 hour max. Don’t let video game playing impact sleep, school work or movement.

Be mindful about content exposure. Learn about the video games your tween/teen wants to play and understand the pros and cons. 

Find age-appropriate games at ESRB.org.

We HIGHLY recommend the app/game reviews from Protect Young Eyes. 

Other tips:

• Contain video game playing to a common area like living room, if possible..

• Allow gaming with known contacts only.

• Turn video games off at least an hour before bedtime.

Learn about Discord. It is considered a social media app and intended for 16+ but many young gamers love it for easy communication with friends while gaming. We do not recommend Discord in middle school. It needs to be managed to reduce potential harm from content exposure and access to strangers. We recommend reading: Discord review by Protect Young Eyes, and Discord Parent Hub by Discord.

Allow access as needed on a home or school device that stays in a common area. Make sure to filter for adult sites and prohibit private or incognito browsing. 

Regularly review and discuss what your child is doing on the internet. Model/teach how to use an internet browser as a resource for looking things up - not something to scroll.

Be aware that many social media apps have internet browser versions as well - e.g., YouTube, Instagram - so watch for backdoor access to content you’re trying to avoid.

If your child has a mobile device (smartwatch, phone or tablet), we recommend removing internet access.

Delay texting among friends until middle school (6th grade). Or at minimum delay until it’s a social necessity. Delay the social necessity by collectively delaying texting with other parents in your child’s social circle.

FaceTime is a great alternative to texting! 

Texting - like any form of communication - needs to be modeled, coached, and practiced. Group texting is even more complicated. Allow texting when you’re ready to lean in and teach.

Ready to roll out texting? Lessons on what to text, what not to text, and when and how to respond are essential. Print the Texting Guide from Wait Until 8th and review it with your child. See our Teaching Texting webpage for more practical info!

Other tips:

• Normalize checking your child’s texts. Be open about it. 

• Set a “texting bedtime”, especially on school nights, at least one hour before bedtime.

• Allow texting with known contacts only.

No social media (e.g., Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, Discord) before high school, ideally age 16+. To make this easier, join other parents in your community to delay together. Join the Kids IRL Phone Pactif you’re in Marin County!

Social media is unregulated content that can’t be monitored for safety and wellbeing. Social media content can contain AI generated content which is challenging to decipher from real content. Delaying and then coaching are your best harm reduction measures.

AVOID fast-paced, short-form content that involves clicking, scrolling, and influencers like YouTube Shorts, TikTok, Instagram, and Snapchat. Learn more at Slowing Social Media. 

If necessary, enjoy curated social media exposure together with your tween/teen, coaching critical thinking and discernment. Avoid solo use on a personal or parent’s device; supervision and role-modeling are essential. 

Does your child already have access to social media?

That’s ok - it’s NEVER TOO LATE to reel it in or remove access until a later age. Use the steps and suggestions on our Slowing Social Media webpage. 

Other tips if your child already has social media (and you’re not changing course):

• Have the app yourself and "friend" or "follow" your child.

• Have access to their account - know their password. 

• Teach your child that if they can't share a post with you, they shouldn't post it.

• Remind your child that the internet is forever and teach them what a digital footprint is. 

YouTube for this age can be a great tool but we don’t advise allowing open access to YouTube. Encourage use for learning not scrolling. Limit time on YouTube to 20 mins per day and monitor content. 

When using YouTube for learning a new skill, exploring a topic or being creative, allow more time beyond the 20 min/day limit. 

Avoid YouTube Shorts at this crucial stage of brain development, due to the short form content and addictive design. YouTube Shorts is essentially TikTok.

Educate about the dangers of misinformation, influencer culture, toxic comparison, diet/fitness extremes. Check in with your tween regularly. 

Guardrails for YouTube

It is very challenging to set up guardrails for using YouTube in age appropriate ways. To learn more about the settings that YouTube offers, see this guide.

Other tips:

• Use in shared space

• Co-watch YouTube on family TV

• Review YouTube history with your tween regularly.

Digital technology is an integral part of children’s daily lives, but excessive or unbalanced use can interfere with healthy growth and development. Recognizing early warning signs is important to ensure that technology supports rather than harms a child’s physical, emotional, and social well-being. The following red flags can help parents identify when tech use may be a concern.

• Screen use replacing sleep, meals, or other basic needs.

• Strong resistance, irritability, or meltdowns when limits are set.

• Loss of interest in offline activities once enjoyed (sports, hobbies, etc).

• Secrecy like sneaking screens, deleting history, hiding apps.

• Excessive preoccupation with online content, games, or social media.

• Decline in academic performance, focus, or classroom participation.

• Noticeable changes in mood (increased anxiety, withdrawal, sadness).

• Strained family relationships, conflict around tech use.

These signs don’t always indicate a serious issue, but they do signal a need to pause and reassess tech use. Talk to your child’s pediatrician, school counselor and/or teacher.