Shifting from Policing to Teaching
Your One Step this week:
✓ This week, when it comes to parenting screen time, practice shifting your mindset from policing to teaching.
It’s summer time! Yet I bet at some point in the last couple weeks you felt frustrated that your child/teen was “fettering away their free time” on a device. You probably felt angry or annoyed at your child OR at yourself for not managing this well. If you're at all like me, you probably even yelled at your child, “find something better to do!” That didn't feel good for either of you.
Our tip today is intended to change that dynamic: Shift your mindset from policing to teaching. Rather than viewing your role as policing screen time, consider your role as teaching healthy screen use. How do we do this?
Remember that tech is sticky
Let's acknowledge that our devices are hard to put down. That is by design! There has been a lot of scrutiny in the media around how tech is engineered to keep our attention by manipulating our vulnerabilities. We are ALL vulnerable to sticky tech design.
There is a whole industry called “persuasive design." You probably know these features well. Common examples include those nagging red notifications (15 new messages!), the “like” button, the infinite scroll, and the autoplay feature. They hook your kids, they hook all of us in. We need to help each other. Knowing this, we can come from a place of empathy.
Try a new approach
You see your child streaming videos for what feels like hours. They are hooked. You notice your feelings of frustration, blame, anger.
Pause. Remember that you too get hooked. You and your child are actually "in this together."
Deep breath. Calm voice. You might say, “Wow- you are still watching…This must be a really good show. It is hard not to get hooked. I get sucked into my shows too. Let’s turn it off and find something else to do."
Later...when not in the heat of the moment...you can brainstorm with your child ways they can stick to one episode or a set time period.* There is no escalation, less back talk. Your child’s interests are validated. There is less conflict, and you have a better connection. These hooks now become teachable moments. We can expect these sticky moments with tech, and we don't have to take it personally (or emotionally). Let this shift in mindset be the starting point. We are all in this together!
* Ideas include setting a visual timer, turning off autoplay, and setting consequences together - e.g., if they do not get off after one episode, they will lose screen time the next day.
Your One Step recap for this week:
✓ This week, when it comes to parenting screen time, practice shifting your mindset from policing to teaching.
“Every home is a university and the parents are the teachers.”
~Mahatma Gandhi